“Whatever idea you have, it’s not going to get you anywhere. It’s just going to get you more attention but it won’t change your life. Just forget about it. You’ve had ideas like this before and look where you are now.”

– Voice of Resistance

INTELLECTUAL MASTURBATION

Have you ever isolated yourself from life as you knew it to reflect on who you are, what you are? Gifting yourself the time and space to indulge in self-inquiry. Without friends, without aimless trips, distractions, et cetera. I’ve heard isolation coined as a narcissistic trait, even a sure sign of depression. But I know that once I began to detach from words¹ and really look at my manifestations I could see that something has changed. Sitting in my apartment, listening to the silence, the quiet rattling of my central air against the metal vents; this ever so random thought about knowledge and information comes to me. What has it done for me and why in the world hasn’t it drastically improved the quality of my life. What have I completed in my life or not and what role has intellectual pursuits had in my realizations/manifestations. Reminded of Steven Pressfield’s “Do The Work”, I begin to congratulate myself for doing such great introspection. Comforting my serious analysis of my life with the gratification of being aware/conscious. Quickly catching “myself” or the not me, in the act of being pacified or content with this form of resistance. Resistance can be a snarling angry, unruly beast or a cute goggly eyed big headed infant. Excuse my digression, so yeah the intellect; information. I’ve found that I enjoy disseminating information. On some level for attention, for debate, for acceptance amongst others. On another level just for fun amongst my peoples, for reasoning and deep discussion. All in all though, moments after I share a new piece of information I get a sense of reward. A sense of inspiration followed by distraction by the noise of the world and abandonment of the ideas and concepts that the new information gave me. A part of me wants to smoke a joint but I’m out of weed, another part of me wants to listen to music, paint, get up and tidy the room. Another part of me wants to complete this thought and type it up in a post for my website and publish it tonight once I’ve finished. Just the thought of publishing it tonight brings up resistant thoughts and those thoughts manifest as physical sensations i.e. sweaty fingertips, short breaths, thoughts of stopping. Putting my pen down and playing a 30 minute chess match. Time and time again, humans circumvent enormous obstacles and accomplish seemingly impossible missions just from following through on a crazy idea. A Ferrari was an idea, a house starts as an idea. Money at some point in the early story of human evolution was an idea. How many people have you witnessed both close and far who came from worse conditions than you, overcame poverty and acquired a greater quality of life just by following all the way through on a simple idea.

I haven’t written this much in days.

That right there, following that thought right there would usually rock me to sleep; onto something else. Not going to happen today because I’m becoming more aware of it in real time and so I write. The adolescent view on male/female relations and society’s application of sex in media has challenged my discipline for a long time, I’d be boasting if I said I’ve completely overcome it but I think the exertion of mental thought simply for thought sake is a sort of sexual act. Intellectual masturbation. When I’m referring to “myself” I’m really referring to the ego, the not me. The ego gets a thrill from sharing information. Feels so good to know something that someone else doesn’t. By no means do I think that is a good or bad thing. Simply baring witness to my observation of myself/not self. I know writing this will not stop me from sharing information but this article is a reminder that I have the ability to keep information within and yield it at will to improve the quality of my life. The cheap nut! Lasts but for a moment. Post ejaculation snack, a spliff, maybe a nap. Hilarious adage but very deep in meaning and symbol. Within semen is the substance that clicks on spiritual power. Spilling semen means allowing the vital seminal principle to exit the temple through the south gate or sacral/sacred organ way. By doing so, it cannot travel east, west or north to regenerate the spirit. This substance insulates and feeds the nervous system, the spinal cord and the brain. Look at the word seminal². You can’t make this shit up, there is no new information on the planet just known, unknown and hidden. So I’m going to keep transmuting I.M. into works of art and useful somethings for somebody. This was a great lil session for the writing muscles. My life experience is where my growth and prosperity lies so it’s all good. Secondly, this could encourage you to put down the useless scrolling of an app and read something with substance. Writing hand is now fatigued, so many grammatical errors but I’m reminded that this is just art. An idea. Resistance hasn’t gone anywhere, it is currently hovering over my corduroy hat .

You didn’t go to school to write, are you sure you’re a writer?

– Voice of Resistance

Resistance is a trip but it brings me joy to see it and work in spite of it trying to persuade me to stop. Though there are a plethora of things I could be doing right now, this is what I’m called to do in this moment. Incense burning, the smell of fresh rain fall coming through my windows, the distant hums of the television in the apartment unit below me and the universe at my fingertips; there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing right now then to write. In the words of Van Gogh to his brother Theo, an adaptation of Matthew 24:44-51; Blessed is he who has found his work.

1. Words that western society and the credibility of science uses as determinants of one’s condition and destiny. ↩︎
2. Seminal – strongly influencing later developments. ↩︎

SONG I HAD ON REPEAT TO WRITE THIS ARTICLE.